Sunday, May 30, 2004
Hey Pal Nice Tongue!
Caught this on FoxNews.com the other day..
MELBOURNE, Australia  Kiss bassist Gene Simmons has sparked outrage in Australia with comments seen as attacking Islam.
"This is a vile culture and if you think for a second that it's willing to just live in the sands of God's armpit you've got another thing coming," Simmons said during an interview on Melbourne's 3AW radio Thursday. "They want to come and live right where you live and they think that you're evil."
The Western world was under threat from extremists and a culture that treated women worse than dogs, he claimed in a segment of the interview that touched on the war in Iraq (search).
"You can send your dog to school to learn tricks, sit, beg, do all that stuff  none of the women have that advantage," the 54-year-old said.
Angry Muslims flooded the radio station with calls, furious over Simmons' comments.
Now for a second , if you will. Disregard the fact that this guy is obviously using broad strokes to paint Muslims and their culture into a corner.
Isn't Gene Simmons the guy who fucked over "15,000" women on the road? His clam to fame is that he has an unusually long tongue that women, no matter how hard they try, just can't resisit? I mean come on. Women see long tongues on 58 year old guys and clown make up on and just can't stop themselves!!!! Really....aren't we glad our men over in America put all women on a pedastool like that great N.O.W. supporter Gene Simmons?
This got me thinking. It has to be a fucking joke. Some celebrities who speak out on moral, social and political issues have to be kidding.
I have no problem with these people speaking their mind. Everyone has that right! Let's take a look at some of them.
Gene Simmons.....WOmens rights advocate??? Need I say more?
Rush Limbaugh speaking about family values while high on prescription medication. I have no problem with either of those when seperated or used in moderation. He did neither.
When did Sean Penn become the antiviolence guru? Before or after he hit Madonna and about 15 camera men? Seriously....I don't think Tommy Lee should be giving marriage couenseling.
William Bennet the author of "Book Of Virtues" millions of dollars in debt from gambling in Vegas? Did he write "Book Of Virtues" in Vegas?
Whats next??? George Michael on the need for more sanitary bathrooms? Kid Rock against mullets? Dennis Hoppers" Just Say No" campaign????
Sean Penn if he hit Madonna is an asshole and he is the one guy on the list that should have done some time. You can't hit people Sean.
Everybody else did damage to only themselves and I have no problem with it. Bill Bennet earned the money. He should be able to gamble it. Rush has stress. He should be able to cut loose. Good for them all!!! Just don't speak to me of family values when smoked on prescription drugs. Try not to write a book on virtue when you just lost a million at the poker table.
Gene Simmons has a right to ink really dumb fucking songs. He even has a right to speak out for or against the war. He also can use his power to help push the womens agenda to the forefront! It's just hard to believe him when he writes quality poetry like this..
CHRISTINE SIXTEEN
Gene Simmons
She's got me dizzy, she sees me through to the end
She's got me in her hands and there's no use in pretending
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen
She drives me crazy, I want to give her all I've got
And she's hot every day and night, there is no doubt about it
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen
"I don't usually say things like this to girls your age,
but when I saw you coming out of the school that day,
that day I knew, I knew,
I've got to have you, I've got to have you."
She's' been around, but she's young and clean
I've got to have her, can't live without her, whoo no
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, yeah
So clean, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, Christine, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, Christine, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen, Christine, yeah, yeah
Christine, Christine, sixteen, sixteen
Christine, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm guessing Christine isn't a Muslim?
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Give me a second and I'll fix the city!
Here I am sitting up way to early on a Sunday Morning having coffee and reading my favorite newspapers online. I'm not one of those old school newspaper readers who needs to smell the fresh ink of the paper. I prefer the smell of fresh coffee and stale cigarettes anyway. I also prefer to read the paper while listening to music. I have Death Cab For Cutie Transatlantcisim in right now which doesn't make the news of the world seem any better at the moment.
While perusing The Pitch this morning I noticed a story on Union Station. I guess we the Tax payers are going to have to chip in to keep this place alive. The Pitch makes reference to the awful science museum that draws nothing but field trips. I question their logic on that. Would a "state of the art" science museum really bring people in droves to Union Station? I think not.
Hey it's Thursday wanna grab dinner and maybe a beer somewhere?
I was thinking we could go to that all new Science Museum and discuss The Theory Of Relativity?
Shut the fuck up!!! If I want to discuss The Laws Of Physics I'll get all fucked up in my basement. Those conversations are best if they stay between me and my dealer and are not meant to happen in a public arena.
Even if you are that fucked up and would like to spend an Afternoon gazing at a picture of the fucking North Star how many times do you do that?
Once. No need to go back....EVER!
So what could they put in Union Station that may bring people there?
How about a fucking train???? The God Damn train station is right next door. Who's fucking brilliant idea was that? Mix that with a Public Transportation system that makes the rounds from the Plaza to Westport to Union Station to River Market. Take the fucking science museum out of there put in an indie movie theatre (that doesn't show the Adventures of those two crazy guys Lewis and Clark) and add a few drinking establishments... Guess what???? Some fucking people would show up.
Once again it's complete dip shits who are completely out of touch trying to attract people who are in touch.
I can't wait until 10 a.m. to watch Today In Kansas City or whatever it's called on P.B.S. Is there a more fucking brilliant show on T.V.? Some fucking guy from England hosting it(Ohh he has to have a British accent it is after all P.B.S.)Rounded out buy a Doppler reader from some fucked up news station and a few news reporters from your local Fox Radio affiliate. Please.....
How about a Buzz/Pitch Happy Hour every Thursday Night? We will have it in the Science Museum. That way we can all get fucked up and imagine a time when all of the West was wild country. We could get an up-close look at bears, bison, rams and other animals native to North America.
Just make sure I can catch a train to get the fuck out of there.
So This Is The New Year - Death Cab For Cutie
so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions
so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one
i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.
there'd be no distance that could hold us back
so this is the new year
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Alanis and other important artists!
As I was lounging around on my couch this evening , a commercial came on for the new Alanis Morrisette album. And in a god-like voice, it was said that "...she is one of the MOST important artists of her generation...."
Perhaps a little overstated? I started to think about it. Her generation would be my generation. She was born in the early 70's. Jagged Little Pill came out in 95 my first year working "Alternative Radio". I thought about it.I thought about bands like Nirvana and Janes Addiction but they were all fronted by men. What about women? I thought about some of her contemparies. Who else was I playing around that time in between dick jokes??? Fiona Apple, Tracy Bonham, Paula Cole, Sheryl Crow.
Could Alanis actually be one of the most important artists of her(my)generation?
I dug a little further. This can not be possible....can it? I mean this was the girl who was made famous because she sucked the guy from from Full House off in a movie theatre. Not the good looking Stamos kid. But the one that reminds people of me. Not something to be proud of. Sucking a guy off in a dollar show who kind of looks like me and is actually not quite as funny. Can not make someone the most important artist of a generation. Can it?
Poe? Meridith "I'm A Bitch" Brooks?
Holy Fucking Christ it just may be fucking true.
Than it hit me.
Love her or hate her the women who pulled me out of my fog was none other than Courtney Love.
Live Through This came out in 94...close enough. She was born in the mid 60's. I'll take it.
Alanis has a new album out. Courtney has a new album out.
Please go to your local independent record store and buy the Courtney record. Do it to help save a generation.
I am doll eyes, doll mouth, doll legs. I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too. I want to be the girl with the most cake. I love him so much it just turns to hate. I fake it so real I am beyond fake. And someday, you will ache like I ache.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
The last bastion of hope!
Have you seen the video of the beheading? While the media decides what we as Americans can handle you have already made your decision.
You found the link. Decided for yourself if you could stomach it or not and acted accordingly. How outdated is our version of the press? We don't need the mass media like we used to. The information is out there. 99% of the time if you see a story on any news program or read it in the paper it has already been leaked on this thing Al Gore invented called the internet(pronounced ENTER-NET). Who is first? The smoking gun or Fox News? The Drudge Report or C.B.S? Penthouse or mybestfriendsmom.com?
The question isn't should or shouldn't the press show the video. The question is why haven't they?(the other question is can we please replace hannity and COLMES with mybestfriendsmom.com t.v.?) It's news. It matters and it's important. It's important to see what type of people we are dealing with. It's important to always see both sides of the story. Why just show pictures of happy Iraqis pulling down a statue of Saddam? Show it all. We will make up our minds. I don't need C.B.S. or Fox News to shelter me from anything(including cheapdrunksluts.com). If we can show pictures of our Soldiers breaking the rules than show theirs. Show it all! People say the media has too much power in this day and age. I say they didn't have enough before(they also didn't have shes-a-contortionist.com).
"The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them." --Thomas Jefferson to Edward Carrington, 1787. ME 6:57
"The press [is] the only tocsin of a nation. [When it] is completely silenced... All means of a general effort [are] taken away." --Thomas Jefferson to Thomas Cooper, Nov 29, 1802. (*) ME 10:341
"The only security of all is in a free press. The force of public opinion cannot be resisted when permitted freely to be expressed. The agitation it produces must be submitted to. It is necessary, to keep the waters pure." --Thomas Jefferson to Lafayette, 1823. ME 15:491
"The functionaries of every government have propensities to command at will the liberty and property of their constituents. There is no safe deposit for these but with the people themselves, nor can they be safe with them without information. Where the press is free, and every man able to read, all is safe." --Thomas Jefferson to Charles Yancey, 1816. ME 14:384
Jefferson would have loved the Internet.
He also would have loved the new Morrissey C.D.(and thickchicks.com) it's fucking brilliant!!!!!
Stay Golden,
Lazlo
Thursday, May 06, 2004
The Fuckin Wicked Witch?
So I try to stay off the political soap box here but God Damn.
I don't blame any party for this but what the fuck is going on in Iraq?
Have you seen these pictures of what some of our military personal have done to Iraqi prisoners? What kind of weird don't ask don't tell freaky shit is going on over there? I swear they made them get in the Cheerleader pyramid naked. I'm not sure if that's against the Geneva Convention Act but some things just can't be thought of ahead of time.
How about the picture of the Iraqi dressed up like the Wicked Witch of the West with electrical doo dads hooked up to his well....doodads. Nice call on that. Who was thinking about that shit? How did that conversation come up over breakfast?
"Hey Sarge"
"Yea, Beatle"
"I was thinking we take the pretty one with the beard over there and dress him up like Judy Garland...No No No ...I got it like the Witch... and we...."
Was someone not around to stop this?
Furthermore who is the Bitch in all the photos? Jesus Christ!!! I think we are passed the argument that women can't handle themselves in combat. She seemed to be just fine.
What about the middle class Iraqi who wanted us to come over there and get rid of this bastard Saddam who had "rape rooms"???
I guess we did modernize the country from old fashioned rape rooms to state of the art fetish rooms!
"Those Americans sure are kinky".
I'm guessing no one involved in this "Iraqi Prisoners Gone Wild "video shoot will be voting for a ban on gay marriage?
One question. When President Bush said God told him to go to war. Did he mention any of this???
There's a new game
We like to play you see
A game with added reality
You treat me like a dog
Get me down on my knees
We call it master and servant
We call it master and servant
It's a lot like life
This play between the sheets
With you on top and me underneath
Forget all about equality
Let's play master and servant
Let's play master and servant
It's a lot like life
And that's what's appealing
If you despise that throwaway feeling
From disposable fun
Then this is the one
Domination's the name of the game
In bed or in life
They're both just the same
Except in one you're fulfilled
At the end of the day
Let's play master and servant
Let's play master and servant
Let's play master and servant
Come on, master and servant
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Ohhh Mrs. Minni!
I was talking about this on the air the other day and received a few calls and e-mails about it so I figured I would share this story one more time.
I'm 15 or so I guess and still a virgin yet doing my best to overcome this abnormality at any and all costs. All my friends seemed to banging girls "up north" so I was surely well behind the curve here. I had a buddy named Jon Minni. I went over to his house one day and his Mom answered the door. She explained to me that John was not home. He had gone out with her Husband and would be back in an hour or so. One catch. She was wearing a silk night shirt thing that came to about mid thigh. As she spoke to me she bent at about a 45 degree angle from the waist showing me what many religious people refer to as the Holy Land. She than asked if I would like to come in and wait.
Pow......Right there. The moment of truth. Think fast??? What do you do? The difference between a boy and a man. Rejoice or regret. The rest of your adult life hinges on this one decision!!!! My palms were sweaty. My heart racing.
I made a choice that would be a precursor to the rest of my life.
I ran home and masturbated profusely into a sock.
I signed a contract yesterday! I once again immediately went home and masturbated profusely into a sock.
I will be here another year!
Stay Golden,
Lazlo
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